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" and saying "Maybe, as youhave a French degree you could teach me some French and come to work atthe Chevalier d'Eon with me." Mum had a strong Essex accent and so therestaurant name sounded more like "Chay-val-eye-er duh eee-on" than itshould sound but I managed to get Mum to pronoun the first syllable"shuh" before the Essex came out again.I tried teaching her to say "gar?on" to describe me. But instead shesaid, "Tu est un gars conne." I didn't know then that Mum was playingwith me, that she could speak French fluently and that she meant exactlywhat she had just said. I should also explain though that googletranslates "conne" as "asshole" if you look up "conne meaning in French"and it's perhaps better conveyed as "eejit", meaning "You're an idiot butI love you."I was by then a bit despondent about having no job and this large loan topay off and my birthday approaching.I had seen my mother's uniform before, it was a silky black dress thatstopped halfway between her knees and. Opening the door just enough to show my face and torso I looked out. To my utter shock there stood my brother in law. “Oh, err hi Chris, what are you doing here?” “I’ve got a flat tyre and need to borrow your car jack,” he said. “Oh, err ok, hang on there while I get my keys and you can get it out of the garage,” I stuttered. “I may as well have a cuppa while I’m here,” he said, barging past me. As I walked into the kitchen he was looking down at my feet and, with a shocked look on my face I realised the stocking bottoms would still be visible beneath my dressing gown. “What’s this Dave, getting ready to go out somewhere,” he said with a sneer. “Nice lipstick too.” “It’s, it’s not what it looks like Chris,” I stuttered as my face reddened. “Let’s see just what it does look like shall we,” he laughed as he grabbed at the cord that was holding my dressing gown together. The front of the gown fell open and my outfit was exposed to his leering eyes. “Well, well,.
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